Crossroads
by SiriusFan13
Summary: Sequel to AMETHYST AND AMBER. Ushiro has spent the past 6 months trying to break through Battousai's defenses. But now, in a twist of time, he's being given a chance to see the fate of his reluctant friend. OUT OF TIME from Ushiro's POV.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. Bummer.**

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**_Author's Note: This fic is set 6 months after the events of "Amethyst and Amber", which places it DURING the events of "Out of Time". So, it is basically "Out of Time" from Ushiro's point of view. Thanks for reading. Enjoy._

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**Crossroads**

_"Amber: its jewel-like beauty has held humans spellbound for thousands of years, but inside an even greater treasure glows... It's hard to imagine a more perfect time capsule than this"_

_--Narrator and David Attenborough, _Jewel of the Earth

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**Chapter One:**

I closed my eyes, considering. What were Saburou's strengths? Speed: Fast. Very fast, actually. Strength: Good. Decent, at least. Ability to think on his feet: Passable. Experience facing unit leaders: Zilch.

_Kenshin, where the hell _are_ you? _

He'd been given a break after our last run, and had gone out that night alone. I knew that sometimes he'd go to the cemetery--visiting fallen comrades probably. Other times, when Katsura had sent me out to fetch him, I'd found him on the bridges, staring out over the water with a dead look in his eyes. He was oddly predictable when it came to time off. So, it was strange when Takashi, who had been sent to find him, came back alone. Even stranger when dawn had risen and still there had been no sign of him. Katsura had been forced to change plans, calling for both Saburou and me. Explaining what was now required of us. Never once did he mention Kenshin's absence, yet I felt it keenly. And I worried, thinking back to his recent relapse into silent darkness… Back to his bridge…

_You're stronger than that, Kenshin. I know you are._

I wished I could be certain.

We were supposed to run this together. For the past six months since the fiasco with Satsuma, we had been partnered for the more dangerous runs. It was a good match: Speed and stealth. Certainly not a perfect situation--I'd hoped that pairing us would keep him from pulling away again, but I'd been mistaken. However one positive thing had come of it: We made a good team.

I had been banking on that teamwork tonight. My injuries from our most recent run two nights ago had me slower and weaker than usual. With Kenshin, we'd probably have been okay. Without him… If I faced a unit as I was, it would be close. If were to run into the first or third unit, we'd be dead.

I shook my head, silently berating myself. _Which is exactly why I need to start thinking about the mission itself, and not about Kenshin. _I was going to get us all killed tonight if I didn't stop thinking about my friend. I sighed, trying to focus on last minute preparations, such as checking my daisho and skimming over the map one more time. Things that I apparently didn't need brainpower to do. Because my mind was still on Kenshin. I was becoming a mother hen. Especially now that he'd withdrawn back into his shell, acting like my attempts at friendship weren't happening and hardly speaking to me except during planning and missions.

I would have thought I'd lost all the ground I'd gained if it weren't for very small things here or there that I'd learned to see.

He was still concerned about my welfare… More so than he had been before our first mission together. I'd found out from the doctor that the kid had checked up on me the past two times I'd been badly injured. And I was certain that he was the reason Katsura had given me the choice to back out of our current mission, leaving it to Saburou and Kenshin.

I'd re-injured my knee during our last run. Only Kenshin, who had saved me from losing the entire leg that night, had known. Even my limping hadn't clued in the others. Since I'd broken it, my knee acted up occasionally, and they were used to my pace slowing now and then. Which, I'd noticed, was another thing that Kenshin kept an eye on.

But even though there had been no possible way for Katsura to have learned of my injury on his own, he _had_ known. And he'd given me the choice.

I was grateful to Kenshin for his concern, and to Katsura for humoring him. But I had still politely refused. Saburou couldn't run this mission. He was young and impetuous with no experience fighting any of the unit leaders except for Inoue, leader of the Sixth, a man who was hardly a threat compared to Okita or Saito. Or even Nagakura, for that matter.

Then there was the fact that Kenshin had just taken care of a spy a few nights ago. A second spy had managed somehow to escape, so we were all on edge. There was now a guaranteed ambush coming. Especially since it was Takasugi Shinsaku, not just some idiot from Satsuma, we were supposed to protect. Katsura needed men on this mission who had a chance at succeeding. With Kenshin as lead, we had that chance, but even with him, Saburou could easily become a liability. It was better for Kenshin to have me fighting with him instead, even with my injuries.

Now with Kenshin gone, we were stuck with Saburou again. Saburou and two others even _less_ experienced, because the only other choices had already been run ragged or were on jobs of their own. Katsura had never before needed backups when it came to Kenshin's duties. This was what he got for blind faith. Saburou and me.

I had faced Okita and lived. So I had been placed as lead. It had been conveniently forgotten that Kenshin had been the one to hold Okita back in that instance. That I had been _pulled _from lead before I could be killed. It's funny how you become the best choice when you're the only functional choice left.

All I could do tonight if we met the first unit would be to fight to the death to give the others a chance to escape. It would be _my _death, of course. I was no match for them even at my best, and at the moment I was in no shape to run lead. If only Takasugi could have waited a day or two…

I slammed my fist into one of the wall supports in frustration. "Where the hell _are_ you?" I growled. But there was no heat in it. I heard only concern in my voice. Mentally I added, _Please don't be dead._

But what else was there? Kenshin did _not_ just disappear without sending word to Katsura. He would never desert. Though I'd heard Katsura once refer to him as a "free sword", I knew that Kenshin still bound himself to our leader, even if it _were_ now by choice.

And even if he were on the brink of death, he would manage to make it back to report. There were few options. And I really didn't like the two that remained.

Death. Or capture. Which would lead to death, anyway.

And recently, I'd started worrying that death, perhaps, would not wait for an attacker. No one was more dangerous to Kenshin than himself…

I shook my head to clear those thoughts. I _had_ to start focusing back on our mission. If I got myself killed, that was one thing. But getting four other men killed because of my distraction was something else entirely.

It was impossible to think that I'd manage to entirely bury my concern for Kenshin, especially since I could sense the worry and discomfort of the other men, even those who only saw him as a sword. But I finally managed to push it to the back of my mind. I couldn't allow myself to focus on it now, but as soon as this run was over, I was going to ask permission to check with a few people I knew in town who were sympathetic to our cause. If Kenshin _were_ wandering around somewhere, he might have been seen. Though it _was_ Kenshin, and he was as good as I was at being invisible.

A knock at the door freed me from my thoughts. It was time.

Carefully, we slipped out of the inn. I was grateful that on this run, at least, the moon was only a crescent, shedding minimal light on the city. And we had occasional clouds to further darken our path. It was going to be difficult enough for us to stay hidden with so many. I understood Katsura's need for a true escort, but originally this had been meant to be like our run with Toriyama. Too many men would make us more noticeable. Again, a reason he and I had both preferred Kenshin for this job. Without him, we needed the extra manpower.

Our route was fairly direct. We were getting Takasugi right out of town, not bringing him to a separate district as we did in most of our runs, so our best bet would be to head straight for the bridges, rather than use one of Kenshin's roundabout paths for transporting men safely to bases throughout the city. We weren't going to have to pass anywhere near Nishi-Honganji Temple, thankfully. The Shinsengumi would be slightly less of a threat the further we were from their base. Straight and simple seemed to be the best plan.

Even better, Takasugi was used these night passages. He had visited Katsura several times in the past and, once before, had even been run out of town by Kenshin and I. He was no stranger to the way I worked, and he had no fear. He would cooperate. My worst concern was that if we were attacked, he might attempt to fight as well. He was better skilled than most of his guard at the moment. And I'm certain he was well aware of the fact.

The streets were empty. The air cold enough that we could see our breath. It was a frigid night. Motivation for us to move quickly. We ran in silence for the most part. Sticking to the shadows when possible. Speaking only when absolutely necessary. It was one of my rules. You don't talk. You make no unnecessary sounds. You just move. Because even whispers can raise in volume, especially in this kind of cold. And one wrong word can bring about a noticeable change in someone's ki. And if _I_ could tell, then the Mibu-ro certainly would be able to if they were near enough.

That was one thing I especially liked about runs with Kenshin. The kid was dead silent. Even when communication was necessary, it was generally expressed using a gentle touch on the shoulder or a swift nod of the head, a gesture of the hand. We could go for hours if need be without saying a single word, communicating better in this way than if we used our voices. It was easy to melt into the shadows with him. And the more we worked together, the better we'd gotten.

This run was not going so well. Decently, but more stressful than I'd have liked. Jiro moved too loudly. Saburou was nervous enough that _I _could even feel it. And Takasugi was as irritated as I was trying not to be. If the Shinsengumi passed too near, we'd be dead. I was grateful that so far we weren't.

There was a sound.

Faint, from one of the rooftops. I froze. It could be a Bakufu hitokiri. Wouldn't be the first time. I pulled into an alleyway, directing the others to slip in behind me. And I listened. Or at least, I tried to. Matsuo was grumbling under his breath about "wasting time". I shot him a glare that silenced the man before turning my attention once again to the street. Maybe I'd imagined it. There certainly didn't seem to be anyone approaching. I thought I heard what was possibly a distant unit, but I couldn't be sure. There didn't appear to be any reason to worry. I'd learned, however, that it was always best to assume the worst.

I was so intent on scanning the area--listening, looking, attempting to sense ki--that I didn't notice Takasugi at my side until I heard his soft voice beside me. "Where's Kenshin?"

I shrugged, wincing. _Really. Is _now_ the time we need to discuss this? _"Different job, I'm assuming," I grunted. I hated lying to the man, but after our last betrayal I wasn't comfortable giving even the smallest taste of information about Kenshin, even to Takasugi, the man who had given the boy to us.

Jiro was getting restless again. I could hear him moving about, and I was going to kill him soon if he didn't knock it off. I was probably going to kill them all.

Takasugi's thoughts must have mirrored my own. I heard his exasperated sigh. "I was hoping to have you both. But without him… I'd prefer taking my chances with just you and I over _this_ bunch." He made a slight motion in their direction with his head. I doubted they'd even noticed.

I didn't respond. I agreed entirely, but now was not the time to get into it. If we lived through this, Takasugi and I could discuss it later. Preferably in Katsura-san's presence. Hopefully with Kenshin…

The street was dark and silent. "We need to go _now_," I growled through clenched teeth, hoping to take advantage of the brief cloud cover. One sharp motion to direct them, and we were back in the open, moving swiftly toward the Sanjo Bridge. We just needed to get Takasugi to the Tokaido. Once he was there, he'd be able to do whatever the hell it was he did to pass through through safely. He somehow managed it every time…

My thoughts were interrupted by a sudden flare of ki and a shout.

"_Damn,"_ Takasugi swore at my side, taking the words from my mouth. His hand was already reaching for his blade. The man obviously didn't get the fact that _we_ were supposed to protect _him_. Though I was grateful for his courage, we could handle one unit. I was about to tell him so, when, from another alleyway, the unit leader appeared. Saito Hajime. It was the Third. And behind him… Okita Soji. My eyes narrowed. It was just like my first run with Kenshin. Same two leaders, only this time no savior. We were dead.

No.

Not we.

"Saburou! Get them out of here! I've got lead."

"_All_ of us--?"

"Just _go_!" I snarled. Thank _god _Saburou had the common sense to already be running, blade drawn, leading the way. Jiro finally moved, followed by Matsuo who was close behind, covering Takasugi. Protecting him from the members of the third unit who followed. I'm sure they'd be running into the First shortly. I hoped they'd make it.

With a shout, I drew my katana, falling on the remains of the third unit. I managed to take one down and wound another before Okita moved into the fray, a faint smile on his lips. He motioned briefly to the unit, and, though they weren't his own, they responded, backing off. I was his. We had a fight to finish…

So, once again it would be Okita and I, only this time my injury would slow me. Intending to attempt battou-jutsu, I sheathed my sword, knowing I wouldn't last a minute against him. He nodded to me in a disturbing replay of our previous battle, and I returned the gesture. Taking one deep breath, aware that it would likely be my last, I once again drew my blade.

At that movement, Okita bore down on me.

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_Author's Note 2: Thanks for reading. And a big thanks to Shirou Shinjin, lolo popoki, and sueb262 for not only beta-ing, but also for pointing out that this chapter (originally set to be the epilogue of "Amethyst and Amber") would be better suited starting out its own fic. And, on that note, in case you missed the Author's Note on the last chapter of "Amethyst and Amber", that fiction is now officially complete with chapter 11. There will be no epilogue. Just so you aren't waiting and wondering!_

_Thanks again._

_Dewa mata._

_Sirius_


	2. Chapter 2

"_At every crossroads on the path that leads to the future, tradition has placed 10,000 men to guard the past."_

_--Maurice Maeterlinck

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**Chapter Two:**

I barely managed to dodge Okita's first thrust. Of course, I wasn't even going to try to attack. The point wasn't to take him down. Or even to survive. The point was to keep him busy. But even with all of my energy focused on defending, I shouldn't have been able to dodge him. Not someone as fast as he had always been. His second strike was even closer, grazing my neck. At his normal speed, it would have killed me.

_Why is he moving so slowly?_ It was almost like he was being careful around me. _Why?_ Then, all at once, the reason hit me. Completely ridiculous, but that had to be it. He was avoiding a full charge. Because the last time we'd faced off, I'd surprised him, giving up defense and taking a bad hit to get a wound in on him. I was unpredictable and foolish. Uneven skill aside, I was being treated as a true threat until he'd fully assessed me this time.

I was certain I'd only be given one more test at most to do something creatively stupid before he killed me. If that.

Then it came. A quick thrust that, after missing, turned into an effective side slash.

I spun out of his way, and, for a moment, my knee almost gave out, causing me to stumble. My moment of instability actually threw me just out of his range, probably saving me from losing more blood. But it also told him what he needed to know: I was injured. There would be no foolish heroics tonight.

He smiled faintly, his dark eyes narrowing. A single nod to me before he charged.

I didn't have a chance to even register pain as his blade slashed open my neck, my side, and then embedded itself deeply in my shoulder. I staggered back, hitting the building behind me that I'd been using as rear defense. Somehow I managed to stay on my feet as his blade, slick with my own blood, slid from my flesh.

Incredibly, my sword was still in my nearly useless hand. I switched it over to my left, knowing that either way I was finished, even as I heard the sounds of fighting begin nearby.

Then, there was a flurry of motion behind Okita. The noise of drawn swords and fallen men. The rest of the third unit was after _someone_. Okita ignored the commotion. I was his first priority.

My hand tightened on my katana, as I struggled to push myself up from the wall to face death properly. But I was distracted by the fighting behind him. It had to be Saburou, though how he'd gotten past Saito was a mystery. Maybe I'd sold him short. Still… it was a stupid, _stupid_ move. _You baka_, I thought in frustration. There was no need for us both to die for his stupid heroics. Although when it came down to it, I really had no right to criticize. How many times had Kenshin and I had the same argument…?

He sliced past Okita just as the unit leader charged to deal me a fatal blow. Okita somehow wasn't fast enough. My defender positioned himself between me and my death, easily parrying Okita's swift blade and wounding him.

I could hear the sound of sword against sword, as I finally succeeded in pushing myself back up from the wall. My pain-glazed eyes managed to focus on my savior.

Red hair. It was the first thing I noticed.

_Kenshin._

A wave of relief washed over me, not all for myself. He was alive. _I_ was alive. We had a chance now. So did Takasugi and our comrades.

Okita had already recovered from Kenshin's defense, and he was moving again. With Kenshin as his new target, his speed increased. He'd been holding back with me. I gritted my teeth, irritated by that fact. _Damn wolf._

Strangely, Kenshin's attack seemed reserved. I couldn't understand it. His draw wasn't the same, and he wasn't moving at his usual speed. Okita was actually gaining ground on him. And I was stuck watching uselessly. Damn my wounds. And my stupid knee. But I knew I could probably jump in and help if Kenshin began to falter. It would kill me. But I would protect him if necessary. Or die trying.

I was spared the need. Kenshin had blocked Okita's most recent attack, throwing the man back several feet. Instead of his usual quick recovery, the unit leader stood there a moment, breathing hard. Then he began to cough. Hard enough to drop him to one knee.

_So the rumors are true…_

I tore my gaze from the helpless leader, unnerved by the twinge of sympathy I felt for him. I hoped he'd get to die in battle, at least. Perhaps tonight… "Battousai-san," I started, but he cut me off before I could finish.

"Get back to base," he commanded sharply, not even turning around, his eyes locked on something just past Okita.

I didn't move. Did he actually expect me to abandon him? When had _that _ever worked before? I looked to see what Kenshin was focusing so intently on. Saito still stood in the distance, watching us. _Dammit_. The kid wouldn't even be facing Okita alone. Like _hell _I was going to leave him.

Apparently me not moving wasn't the response he was going for. He finally half turned toward me, shooting me a glare that I pointedly ignored. Then I noticed the blood soaking through his gi. Two wounds. And he was bleeding badly. As badly as I was. Breathing hard. No wonder he had been moving so slowly.

"I'm not going to leave you here to face them both," I snapped, tearing my eyes from Kenshin's unprecedented wounds. How had Saito managed to do _that_ to him? "You've been wounded. And he will be up soon." I jerked my head briefly toward Okita, who was already steadying his ragged breaths. I tightened my grip on my sword. _Just like always, Kenshin. We both live or we both die. When are you going to figure out that that's how we operate?_

Kenshin's narrowed eyes almost glowed in the near darkness of the street. "Just _go_!"

I responded with a defiant glare. "I'm not just leaving you here." Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Okita pulling himself to his feet. Could feel Saito still watching us.

They would attack soon. If I were to leave, it would be two against one. And that was assuming that the first unit didn't show up. Or the rest of the third. If they hadn't caught Takasugi… We could be in for a _lot_ of company _very _soon.

And even with Kenshin's skill, he wouldn't be able to take them all down as he was. I knew what loss of blood did to fighting skills. I had _lots_ of experience bleeding all over the place. Kenshin didn't. I wasn't sure he'd think to factor blood loss into his attacks. He was going to get slower and weaker. Soon.

Kenshin didn't break eye contact with me for a moment. Then, scowling, he finally closed his eyes and shook his head, probably struggling to keep from hitting me. I knew I was pissing him off. Again.

I felt a sudden, odd shift in his ki. I hadn't realized until that moment how off it had been this entire time. And now… now it was off just that much more. He shot one last glance in Saito's direction before snapping, "Then if you will not leave me, we _both_ go."

"What?" But I didn't get a chance to finish. He grabbed me by my good arm and practically threw me in the opposite direction from Okita, who was finally on his feet again.

"_Run!_" he commanded.

Like I had a choice. I'd been forced to start moving just to keep from falling. At least I could hear him following close behind.

_How the hell does he still have that much strength with those wounds? Maybe I'm just getting weak in my old age… Probably…_

We cut into an alley and broke into a street that ran parallel to our base. I refused to bring us too close to Katsura until I knew for sure that we weren't being followed. It would be foolish of them to let us go when we were such easy targets… unless they planned on following us back to base.

I didn't feel their ki though. I glanced briefly back in Kenshin's direction. His expression was invisible in the darkness, but he didn't appear to sense anything either. I was certain he'd have made it known. We seemed to be safe. I'd worry about _why _later.

I cut across the street and through another alleyway, bringing us even closer to the Kohagi. Kenshin wasn't far behind me. We ran in our customary silence.

I _hated_ the idea of running. I knew Kenshin hated it, too. In fact, I was honestly surprised he'd sent me away from him in the first place. Normally, he wouldn't have wasted time arguing. He'd have just taken his opponent down and we'd have gotten into it later. As long as there was no one for me to defend, then there was no reason for me to leave his side, even if I were injured and useless in a fight. He was good enough to protect both of us.

Why _had_ Kenshin made me run? It didn't make sense. An unsettling thought struck me. Unless maybe he wasn't sure that he _could _protect me? Was he wounded that badly? Had he known he couldn't win and planned on dying to save me? I wouldn't put it past him. I was suddenly glad for my stubborn streak. It may have saved the kid's life…

As long as he didn't bleed to death on the way back to base. I shot another concerned look back to my friend who ran only a few short steps behind me. He was tightly clutching the wound at his side. Even in this faint moonlight, I could see that his hand was stained in his own blood. "Almost there," I said quietly. "How are you holding out, Battousai-san?"

"I'll live," he replied shortly. His breath was nearly as ragged as mine, and he was slowing.

I forced a tight smile, which morphed into a grimace as I nearly stumbled with my bad leg again. I turned my attention back to the road, which was where it should have been in the first place. "Good," I managed in response. "We'll be there soon." I took a deep breath. "Katsura-san has been worried. He'd have been furious if you'd gotten yourself killed back there."

There was a sharp gasp behind me, and I skidded to a stop, turning quickly, worried at what I'd find. "Battousai-san?"

Kenshin stood, staring at me with a strange expression on his face. Something between pain and fear. Very, very bad. "Katsura…" he whispered. He swayed a bit, and for a second I was afraid he'd fall, but he managed to catch himself before I had to move in to help him.

_He's losing way too much blood. We've got to get back, now._

"Battousai-san, we need to keep moving. The Shinsengumi will track us, and we're in no shape to fight them again…" I managed a weak smile. "Well, at least _I'm _not."

He was staring blankly at me, as though my words meant nothing to him. I changed tactics.

"And if we're followed, you know what that will mean for Okami."

"Okami," he murmured. I knew he had a soft spot for our innkeeper. He wouldn't risk her life for anything. If that didn't get him moving, nothing would. But for a moment, I thought it wasn't going to work. He just stood there, his expression completely blank. I couldn't let him go into shock.

I was saved from having to drag him back into action. He slowly shook his head, as though clearing it from some terrible nightmare, and began running again. "Let's go," he said in a tired, grim voice. "I'm fine."

But he was moving slowly now, even by my standards.

_Damn. He's bad. How the hell did those wolves do this to him? Last time he faced them, they barely managed a few scratches. And that was with two full units. How can he be injured worse than me?_ I grimaced. What had happened to him since last night? I guess I should have just been grateful he was alive, but I was worried again. More than before. He'd become like a younger brother to me. I'd found with each run-in we faced together, I'd grown more protective of him.

I glanced back at him once more. How long would he last? I'd seen men make it back to base, be treated, and then die an hour later from loss of blood. And I had no idea how long Kenshin had been bleeding.

But he seemed to be pulling from some incredible reserve inside of him. He was exhausted and weak, but somehow still managing to move. As though for once he actually cared enough about his life to try to keep himself going. If so, then he'd changed a _lot_ in one day.

I hoped so, for his sake.

I hoped it was enough.

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_Author's Note: A great big thank you as usual to sueb262, lolo popoki, and Shirou Shinjin for their great beta work! And thanks to all of you for reading and reviewing this fic. I hope you continue to enjoy it._

_On an additional note, amie689 from deviantart . com made a GORGEOUS fanart for "Amethyst and Amber". An absolutely beautiful commissioned piece depicting Ushiro and Battousai in A&A awaiting Katsura's summons after their failed run. Please do check it out and comment for her. It is well worth the look! _

http : / / amie689 . deviantart . com / art / Amethyst - and - amber - 147618848

_Dewa mata!_

_Sirius  
_


	3. Chapter 3

"_The professional must learn to be moved and touched emotionally, yet at the same time stand back objectively: I've seen a lot of damage done by tea and sympathy."_

_--Anthony Storr_

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_  
_**Chapter Three:**

It felt like we had been running forever when the inn came into view. It was late enough that all the windows were dark. Everyone had retired to their rooms, per Katsura's orders. I glanced back at Kenshin, who was leaning heavily against the wall, before knocking softly, not wanting to burst in and wake everyone up. My unit wasn't expected yet, so I could only hope that someone would answer. Though it always seemed that Okami had a sort of sixth sense for when we were returning.

This time was no exception. As soon as my hand touched the door, I heard the quick shuffle of feet, and the door slid open a crack. A moment for her to see it was me, and she slid the door open the rest of the way, ushering me inside. I didn't even get a chance to alert her to Kenshin's presence before Nozomi-chan appeared, seemingly out of nowhere and began fussing over my injuries.

The girl led me down a dark corridor even as I heard Okami gasp and pull Kenshin inside. I let out a relieved sigh, surprised to realize that I'd been holding my breath. Okami would treat him herself. He had a chance at least. It wasn't a guarantee that he would survive, but she knew how to treat wounds. And Kenshin listened to her in a way that even Katsura couldn't manage. With _her _scolding the kid, he wouldn't be able to just wrap himself up and pretend he was okay.

As we approached the place where the halls intersected, I paused and leaned against a wall, feeling a little lightheaded. I had been so concerned about Kenshin's state, I hadn't been thinking much of my own. I'd lost a lot of blood, too. I was in just as dangerous a state as he was. But there was something I needed to do before I could rest. I hoped I could stay vertical for that long at least.

Nozomi stared at my with worried eyes. "Are you all right, Ushiro-san?"

My room was only a few doors down. I could be bandaged and rest. And I could check up on Kenshin tomorrow. He was probably going to be fine. He just needed to get some sleep. Drink a little of Okami's special tea and wake up sometime tomorrow afternoon.

But I knew that it wouldn't happen. He'd skip any medicine she gave him, put rest off for a few hours, and instead report to Katsura. And I was _certain_ that the kid would fail to mention his injuries.

He'd die if he went out on another run too soon…

I had to catch Katsura before he sent Kenshin anywhere. Before Kenshin even managed to get an audience with him. I had to try to convince Katsura that he must demand Kenshin rest. And I had to do it in such a way that it was Katsura's own concern, not mine.

I must have been standing there for too long. Nozomi gently touched my arm, and I shook my head to clear it as she softly repeated my name. "Ushiro-san? Are you all right?"

"Yeah." I glanced at the tray she carried. "I need some of those bandages."

She just stared at me. "I can wrap you when we get to your room, Ushiro-san."

"No," I replied shortly. "Now." Her eyes widened. No surprise. I knew I didn't sound like myself. I had only been short with her once before. In fact, Kano and Kenshin were really the only two I generally snapped at. But I was worried and in a hurry. And also in a great deal of pain.

I sighed, trying to force myself to calm down. I had no excuse to take my frustrations out on this girl. A touch more gently I added, "Just give me enough to stop the blood. I need to speak to Katsura-san."

"Now?"

I nodded firmly. "Now. Please. I'll redress them when I'm done. If you'd like you can even come and check."

She finally nodded and set her tray down, dipping some cloth into water and handing it to me to clean the blood and sweat off of my face and hands. Picking up some more bandages to wrap me. I tugged my gi open for her as she approached.

I managed a faint smile. "Thank you."

Another simple nod, and she began wrapping me. She wasn't pleased. I didn't need ki sense to figure her out. She was very young. And her face made her an open book. But I liked that. A breath of fresh air in a world of lies and deceptions. Even Kenshin, one of the most honest men I knew, was a part of it, hiding behind the labels we'd given him. Lying to himself that those labels were true. And hiding behind that damned mask of his.

If I didn't hurry, he'd lie himself into an early grave.

Thankfully she was efficient, working quickly and carefully. I had hardly begun cleaning up by the time she had finished.

"Done." Her soft voice pulled me from my thoughts as she tugged the dressing tight. "They won't last long," she said softly, as I dropped my bloody cloth to the tray, and pulled the gi back over my shoulders.

I nodded to her. "They won't need to," I replied softly. "If you leave the dressings in my room, I'll redo this properly when I'm done." I managed a small smile for her. "You can fix the mess I make of it in the morning."

She hesitated only a moment before bowing. "Yes. Be careful, Ushiro-san." She eyed my tattered gi. "You've lost a lot of blood."

I grinned at her. "Don't worry. I have lots of practice functioning without blood."

She didn't seem to find that as amusing as I had. She bowed quickly once more and left.

I moved down the dark hall quietly, my pace slowed. Nozomi-chan was right. Bleeding to death would completely defeat the purpose of rushing to Katsura.

Soon, I reached his room. To my relief, I could see the soft glow of a lantern around the edges of his door. He usually was up late, prepared for immediate reports on those missions when we ran anyone out of town who he cared much about. But I still had been a little worried that this time he'd have gone to bed. So far this had been an unlucky run on every possible level…

I stopped abruptly in front of his door, taking a moment to fully compose myself before knocking. "Katsura-san?"

"Come in." Katsura's voice was as mild as always. But I could sense his tension. I was back too early. And, as far as he knew, Kenshin was still missing.

At least I could ease his mind on one of those two accounts.

I slid the door open and entered, bowing deeply before shutting it behind me. "Katsura-san," I repeated quietly.

He nodded to me. "Ushiro-san." His sharp eyes assessed me. Taking in my torn and bloody gi. The bandages that showed underneath the rents in my clothes. I could tell how unimpressed he was that I hadn't taken time to properly dress my wounds and clean up. But he knew me. And I wouldn't be here for no reason. Especially not in this state. "Sit."

I bowed my head and dropped to my knees before him. I must have looked like hell. I knew I _felt_ like it.

He looked me in the eyes, a flicker of concern in them. "What happened?"

Best to get straight to the point. "We were intercepted… Okita and Saito." I was too exhausted to handle anything more than a few short phrases at a time. This was going to have to be an even shorter report than I'd originally anticipated.

"Takasugi?"

"Safe, I hope. Jiro, Matuso, and Saburou all covered him. Only about half of the third unit followed. The first was absent. Used as a decoy I think." I paused. "I stayed behind to buy them a little time."

"Alone?" His expression was polite. But I knew what he really meant was, _"Why aren't you dead?"_

I answered his unspoken question. "Kenshin arrived and took most of them down for me."

"Himura's here?" His ki changed immediately, but with the exception of setting his teacup down sharply and a slight widening of his eyes, he hardly reacted. Anyone who hadn't been able to sense ki would never have known that this soldier's absence had had any major effect on our commander. They would have thought that Kenshin's casualty was simply another case of one life for the greater good. "Killing one man to save a million lives." That was how Katsura had once put it. It was a precept that our commander stood by religiously. Though there were exceptions.

Like now.

This wasn't just any soldier. It was Kenshin. Battousai. And I had a feeling that sometimes Katsura considered Kenshin to _be_ the greater good. He was too vital to Choshu's plans. Losing Kenshin was like losing half of his men… Different from losing Matsuo or Saburou. Or me. We were more like losing a very small, and none too bright, kabuki troupe.

"He came out of nowhere and covered me when Okita charged." I paused. "If he hadn't, I wouldn't have lasted much longer."

The tea remained untouched before him. You could always tell how agitated Katsura was by how he drank his tea. Or, when things were really bad, how he didn't…

"Did he say where he's been?"

"No." I furrowed my brow. "He acted as though nothing were out of the ordinary…"

Only nothing was ordinary anymore… I jumped into the entire reason I was here in the first place…

"Katsura-san…"

"Yes?" The cup finally raised to his lips.

"He's been wounded. Bad." And it was down on the table once again. He was never going to drink it. "He's lost a lot of blood." I winced. "I didn't know if he'd make it back…"

"Wounded?" Katsura, who rarely showed an open expression on his face, was now clearly surprised.

"Yes. Saito, I think. They faced off while I fought Okita. Kenshin tried to make me leave, but he wasn't in any shape to fight alone. Not if he wanted to live." I paused, and finally added, "Katsura-san. He _isn't_ in any shape to fight. He was struggling to keep up with me at the end."

Katsura's eyebrow raised.

I pushed forward. "Okami is treating him now, but I just thought you should know. I doubt he'd have said anything to you." I sighed. "He's weak. And I'd hate to lose him. Especially so soon after getting him back." I frowned. "Especially from saving me."

"He makes his own choices," Katsura replied shortly. I suspected that he was subtly reminding me that Kenshin had also chosen to disappear on us just as he'd chosen to save me. And I knew that choice had just as much influence on his current state as any other. But that did nothing to change my opinions on the situation. Kenshin was human. And humans did stupid things sometimes…

Katsura inclined his head slightly. "I will speak with him. I'm sure he will join me as soon as he is able."

_More likely sooner_, I thought wryly.

"As for now," he continued, "I want you to treat your own wounds and rest. If there is anything else, you can complete your report tomorrow before your morning meal. You're not getting another assignment until the doctor releases you, however, I will need to speak with you about a new situation that has arisen. I may need you to handle it for me."

"When Kenshin is well?" _Please god not with the others…_

Katsura frowned. "I'd rather keep Himura out of this matter as much as possible."

"Katsura-san?" I didn't like that. Kenshin was kept out of _nothing_ that needed to be "handled".

"Get some rest, Ushiro-san. We will discuss it tomorrow." Katsura finally brought the tea to his lips and drank.

I recognized my dismissal and stood slowly, weak and a bit dizzy. When the feeling passed, I managed a brief bow, and turned to leave.

Just as I was sliding the door shut I could hear Katsura set his cup down and sigh behind me. "A waste."

I wasn't sure if he were talking about Kenshin or the tea.

* * *

_Author's note: Great big thank you to lolo popoki, sueb262, and Shirou Shinjin again for their invaluable beta work. Also, thanks to all the readers who have been enjoying (or at very least reading and reviewing this fic! It means a lot to me. Sorry I had a little lull there between chapters. I'll try to pull the next one out more quickly. Just had a little burst of real life interrupting the important stuff… like fan fiction : )_

_Also, I'd like to make note that when Ushiro quotes Katsura in this chapter about the precept, "Killing one man to save a million lives", this is actually a direct quote from Katsura. I (gloriously) got my hands on the _Diary of Kido Takayoshi_ (aka Kido Koin, Katsura Kogoro, etc. God, the man had a lot of names in his life…), and in volume one, p. 22 he states: "It is a principle universally acknowledged that an enemy cannot be subdued without fighting. Battles will bring about peace. I do not care to use weapons without good reason; but I do believe in 'killing one man to save a million lives.'" I'd like to point out that I'm, quite frankly, giddy with joy at owning these. I love the sound of Katsura's voice and am fascinated by him as a historical figure. Not to mention the fact that the massive introduction gives an incredible background not only to Katsura's life, but much of Bakumatsu as well! It's out of print, but I strongly suggest finding it at a library!_

_Okay. I'm going to shut up about the diaries for now… (sweat drops)_

_Thanks again!_

_Dewa mata._

_Sirius_


	4. Chapter 4

"_I am convinced, the way one plays chess always reflects the player's personality. If something defines his character, then it will also define his way of playing."_

_-Vladimir Kramnik

* * *

_

**Chapter Four:**

I woke up the following morning almost wishing that I _hadn't_. My knee was swollen to twice its normal size, and my wounds were on fire. Blood had been seeping through the bandages so badly that Nozomi had felt the need to wake me up to treat them before sunrise. I suspected that this timing had been her little way of paying me back for ignoring her concerns last night. She was getting to be as bad as Okami. She'd be drugging my rice soon. If this kept up, she'd never get herself a husband. I smiled faintly. Either that or she'd whip the lazy bastard into shape in no time. I didn't envy _him._

I slowly stood, using the wall for support, cursing my leg again. I'd be walking like an old man before I hit forty at this rate. If nothing else, I'd sure as hell be walking like one today.

I sighed. _Another trip to the doctor…_ We were practically on a first name basis. He probably thought I was some accident prone idiot, though he'd finally stopped lecturing me. Gave up, I suppose. Realized that I'm well aware that I'm a baka. I just didn't care much. I was a baka for being here in the first place, when you came down to it.

I peeled off the sleeping yukata and folded it neatly, setting it on my futon, then hunted around for some day clothes, leaving my bandages for the doctor to worry about later. I probably should have gotten the fresh clothes first. I shivered at the cold morning breeze blowing through my open window, chilling my bare skin. It seemed this winter would never end. I was ready for spring.

Finally finding my clothes, I slipped my kosode and gi on, then pulled on my hakama, absently wrapping and tying its himo around me. My thoughts were elsewhere. I'd meet with Katsura first. Find out what this secretive mission was about. Then I'd need to eat, followed by a visit to the doctor. Maybe even check on Kenshin while I was at it. Find out where the hell he's been.

Make sure he's okay.

I tugged the straps tight and finished tying them off. Finally satisfied, I picked up my wakizashi, slipping it through my hakama's sash. The katana remained comfortably on its stand. No point in hauling around both swords. I probably would be confined to the Kohagi for the next day or so at least.

_Both swords…_

I straightened.

He'd only carried one sword last night. Only his katana. Where was his wakizashi?

I was surprised that I'd even noticed. But Kenshin… with only one sword. I know that _I_ felt practically naked without my daisho. But with him… losing one of his swords was like losing a limb…

And _that_ injury could not have come from Saito. Even the wolves could never have disarmed him. They'd succeeded in drawing blood, but if they had somehow managed to also get both the blade _and _its saya from Battousai... He'd have been worse than bleeding after _that_ fight. They _all_ would have been…

It just didn't make sense. _Why? _But I had too much on my mind at the moment to try to understand. I would have to think on it later. Forcing it from my mind, I slowly made my way to the door. I ached all over, but it was nothing I couldn't deal with. I was conscious and walking. Good start to my day.

I glanced at the window, glimpsing a lightening sky. Spying a hint of rose on the horizon. It was early, but I was pretty sure that Katsura would be awake, and I wanted to get into that meeting as soon as possible. My jaw tightened.

I wanted to know what exactly we were hiding from Kenshin.

I slipped from my room into the empty, still hallway, walking as quickly as possible to Katsura's room. I was grateful for the silence. It gave me a few more moments to think. I was mostly concerned that this meeting would involve another gamble at Kenshin's life. I knew this was war. And I realized that in joining, we'd all given our lives over to a cause. But I didn't like how these damned politicians played Kenshin as though he were just a stone in Go. Even Katsura, whom I respected above all the others.

And I especially hated how well I understood Katsura's motivation. Hell, once, I'd even backed it. What did one life matter in the scheme of things if it meant we could create a better Japan? If it could help us get rid of the damned barbarians?

My lips quirked at the irony. And of course this little red-haired brat was completely changing my attitude about everything. This kid who was clearly a mix, yet still fighting to purify Japan. _And how ironic that _he_ is putting more blood into this fight than the rest of us. No wonder I'm not willing to see him fall. Death like this isn't about honor. It's about sacrifice. It's about being a single stone on a game board._

Perhaps it was a stupid thought. We were all like pieces in a game, strategically placed wherever seemed best to the players. But it felt like Kenshin was the piece that was put in the worst positions. Set to stand by himself as a sacrifice to distract the other player with its "easy catch".

Worse, I suspected that no one had ever bothered telling him the rules to the game. He was all too willing to go down for them when there were other ways. All too willing to be captured. To die.

Like last night…

I sighed at the infuriating thoughts nagging at me.

Like last night when he'd been wounded. When he had fought with only one sword…

What had he done with his wakizashi?

I was at the meeting room door. I would have to save _that_ question for when I checked on Kenshin. _Soon_. That kid had a _hell_ of a lot to answer to. And I had a feeling that I wouldn't like many of those answers.

I knocked at Katsura's door.

"Come in."

Good. He was awake. I slid the door open and stepped inside.

_Which game is it this time, Katsura-san? Do we play Go and risk him? Or are we just gambling with his life again with a little cho-han?_

I set my jaw, sliding the door shut behind me

* * *

An hour later, I stood in the hall listening to Okami scold me. How I shouldn't be walking around. I'd lost too much blood. What was I thinking? _Was_ I thinking?

I sighed. _She should be used to this by now. _As long as I could move with relative ease, pain or no pain, my duty came first. It always had. Why did she expect anything to change just because I'd gotten a couple new cuts and bruises? I leaned heavily against a support post, trying to mask any pain. Not quite sure how making me _stand_ and listen to her on this knee was supposed to be helping anything.

And anyway, I was _always_ thinking. My thoughts were just rarely focused around _me_.

I coughed awkwardly. And she railed on me about that, too. Apparently I wasn't allowed to catch a cold either. I was supposed to be a soldier in perfect health… I knew her concerns stemmed partly from the death of one of her children to _rogai_, the coughing disease. But still…

I sighed once more, glancing away.

I wished the meeting with Katsura hadn't lasted so long. Then at least, I might have had a chance to escape without her notice.

I shifted my weight again. My leg was beyond aching now, and I needed to sit. This had to stop.

"Okami," I interrupted as gently as I could in my frustration, "if none of us fought, how would we protect you?"

"_You_ are going to get yourself killed," she replied, matter-of-factly. "You are too reckless." She was probably right. "You and Himura-san are the ones I need to keep an eye on. Everyone else seems to understand the concept of self-preservation."

At those words, I stiffened, refocusing. "How _is_ Kenshin? He looked bad last night." Understatement of the century.

"He'll recover if he doesn't follow in _your_ footsteps."

More about _me_. But her entire demeanor had changed with the topic of Kenshin. And that worried me. "Okami?"

Her response was brusque. "He was still asleep last time I checked on him."

_Still asleep._ Not uncommon for him. Especially this early. But still… I hoped he was only tired. Not too weak to get up.

She sent me a shrewd look. "Keep an eye on him, Ushiro-san," she said a touch more gently. "I don't like the look of his shoulder." She hesitated. "And he's not quite…" She floundered for the word. "…He's not quite right. He's… different."

I nodded. So she'd noticed as well. "Yeah, I thought so, too," I replied, smiling tiredly. "I'll keep an eye on him."

She seemed to remember her previous concern, and added sternly, "Watch your own health, too."

"I will." My smile broadened to a sarcastic grin. "Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm sure my healing will go much better once eat some breakfast."

With that, I neatly slipped out from under her watchful eye.

Food was at this point my first priority. I was famished. And, whether or not I admitted it to _her_, I really did need to rest my leg.

But soon-very soon-I would visit Kenshin. Because there were things I had to figure out quickly. Things I needed to understand if I wanted to keep that kid alive.

I thought back to my conversation with Katsura, and to my new orders…

Things that couldn't wait…

* * *

_Author's Note: Thanks to lolo popoki, sueb262 and Shirou Shinjin for their beta work! And thanks to all my readers for (of course) reading the chapter (and fic)._

_And a little note on one line that bugged **me** at least. The doctor and Ushiro being on a "first name basis". Yeah, I know that technically that makes no sense with the eastern name system. But humor me because I tried a number of other ways to word it and they all sounded terrible. And it just felt weird when I cut it. Like something was missing..._

_Ah well. Thanks again!_

_Dewa mata._

_Sirius  
_


	5. Chapter 5

"_To linger in the observation of things other than the self implies a profound conviction of their worth."_

_-Charles Damien Boulogne

* * *

_

**Chapter Five:**_  
_

I was so busy worrying about Kenshin that I wasn't paying any attention to where I was going, and almost knocked over one of the men on the way into the meal room. "Sorry," apologized quickly, wincing at the sudden jarring of my knee. I barely spared the man a glance. Then I noticed who I'd almost plowed over.

He must have been as distracted as I was. All I received was a quiet, though sincere apology. He didn't even look at me. But, I was too relieved to see Kenshin up and walking to worry much about it at the moment. He wasn't dead. _Thank god_.

"Battousai-san!" I burst out, ignoring how ridiculous I probably sounded at that moment. We were polite in public. That was all. If I wanted to try for friendship, that was reserved for private conversations. Outbursts like this were generally ignored, and so I had learned not to bother.

However, I'd spent the past evening and most of the morning worrying that Kenshin might never wake up. Frankly, I didn't care what he thought at the moment. Grinning, I quickly added, "You're all right. I was worried!"

At the sound of my over-exuberant voice, he jumped, finally looking up. I didn't blame him. Even for me, this was a bit too energetic. Poor kid probably thought I was going to slap him on the back or something. He blinked at me a couple of times as though trying to clear his head. "I'm fine," he responded hesitantly, his expression almost puzzled, as though he hadn't expected me to talk to him.

Had he hit his head? Since when was a simple greeting in the hallway a shock? Then again, I chided myself, since when do I practically knock him to the ground, then proceed to attack him with excitement? He probably thought something was wrong with _me. _

After a long pause, he finally seemed to snap back to the moment and responded, "How are _you_?" A flicker of concern crossed his face. It was a genuine question, not a polite response. Good. If nothing else, his quiet worry relaxed me a bit. _That_ at least was a normal reaction for him. But his eyes still held a distant, glazed over look to them.

Something wasn't right. Maybe I was being paranoid. I'd never really been the paranoid type—in fact, if anything I was generally too _trusting _according to Kano—but after hanging around those two long enough, _anyone_ would start jumping at shadows. Sometimes I was glad that they avoided each other like the plague. If I'd had to deal with both of them at once, I'd probably have drowned in pessimism ages ago...

I tried to brush these thoughts away and shrugged, flinching at the pain in my shoulder. I was going to have to be a bit more careful of sudden, jarring movements. I mentally tallied up the injuries I'd have to coddle, realizing that I'd have to avoid pretty much any movement at all. Great.

"I'm walking," I replied, "not that Okami's very pleased about that. I got a scolding this morning for getting up to eat. But she couldn't have expected me to sleep all day." I inwardly winced at that one. _God, Ryu. Brilliant comment. He _always_ sleeps all day. Why do I have to be so stupid sometimes?_ "Not," I quickly amended, "that there's anything wrong with that if you work all night." Great save. If he didn't already know me so well, he'd probably have deemed me an idiot. Thankfully, he was already well aware of how stupid I could be, so I was spared the embarrassment.

There was a flicker of a smile on his lips. _That, _I hadn't expected. Since when did he smile at my idiocy in public? He usually reserved that for private conferences, only gracing me with that slight raise of his eyebrows when anyone else might notice. God forbid the others know that he was human… For a kid who wasn't impressed with the nickname "demon", you'd think he'd _try_ to appear normal in front of his comrades. Then again, maybe he didn't get that smiling was normal.

Realizing that I was staring, I awkwardly shifted my attention away from his face for a moment, my eyes instead traveling down to his armed hip. Still only one sword. He hadn't replaced the missing wakizashi. Why? I tried to ignore the nagging suspicions as they resurfaced. He'd probably just woken up. No time to replace it yet. Things happened. He'd have a new one soon. Or maybe he'd just left it in his room. Samurai typically left the katana, using only the wakizashi indoors. Easier for defense in a small area. But this was Battousai, and his battoujutsu would be easier with his katana, even with its size. He's the only man I know who could locate and attack a spy with a full-sized katana in a meal room filled with tables and men, only killing the man he'd targeted.

Yeah, that was a logical answer. His wakizashi was resting in his room.

I glanced back up at him, noticing that strangely unfocused look again, as though he were thinking of something distant. "Battousai-san?"

He snapped out of it immediately, violet eyes meeting mine. "Oro?"

I blinked a moment, actually having to chuckle at that ridiculous sound. When the hell had he picked that up? It had sounded almost involuntary. A startle reaction? I'd have thought it would have popped out long before this with how frequently I'd taken him by surprise in the past. "Oro, huh?" I commented lightly, a grin working its way onto my face. "That's new." And strange.

I shook my head to clear those thoughts, not liking where they were leading. Why was I being so paranoid? I hadn't watched the kid this closely since our first run. And I'd had damn good reason then. Possible instability, making him a potential danger to both myself and our asshole charge. Even _Katsura _worrying about the "state of his sword", while Satsuma threatened to destroy the boy. Why _wouldn't _I have scrutinized him back then? But this time... this time there was no logical reason. Nothing except a few oddities here and there which were driving me crazy…

I couldn't even bring myself to ask. To just make him tell me where he'd been. Tell me what had _happened_ to him. Something was so off that I felt like I was talking to a stranger who wore my friend's face.

It was really starting to bother me. Especially since it felt as though he had withdrawn from me, and I had no idea why. After all the work I'd put into opening him up, he was suddenly looking at me as though I were a complete stranger. Polite, of course. But also confused. Almost disinterested. Had I done something wrong? He couldn't be angry that I had refused to abandon him last night. I did that all the time. He should be used to me being a stubborn ahou by now. What I really wanted to do was throttle him for a response, but I controlled myself. Mostly because I wasn't sure what state he was really in, and I didn't want to push him too far.

Partly because I didn't want him to kill me.

I tried to think of _something _that would fix this inexplicable change. "Anyway," I said, managing a smile that I hoped didn't appear too worried, "I was just wondering if you wanted to sit with Kano and I." Yeah, because _that_ was going to make things normal. Kenshin and Kano having casual conversation. And pigs would fly. "I know you usually take breakfast alone," I continued, "but you're usually not up this early either." _Then again, you also usually aren't half-dead in your room all night, so why should _this_ be any kind of surprise in comparison? _I prepared myself for the raise of his eyebrow and shake of his head. For his stiff thank you and polite refusal. For him to turn and walk away before I could try to convince him to stay.

I was _not _prepared for him to just stand there and stare at me as though I'd gone insane. Eyes wide and almost confused by the gesture. As though he didn't put up with me trying to make him talk with me on a daily basis. He looked at me as though I were just one of the other men who for some inexplicable reason had suddenly decided that I liked him.

I didn't get it. His responses were the types of little things you said to a vague acquaintance who you happened to bump into. The awkward talk you made with someone you hadn't seen in years. Not the sort of things we usually said those rare times when we actually conversed. Of course, he was generally quiet and reserved, but never so distant. Right now it was almost as though he didn't know me…

The confusion seemed to finally be fading from his violet eyes. _Wait… Were they always violet? Weren't they usually blue? Or, when he worried me the most, amber…? I didn't realize they changed so much…_

The silence was getting awkward, and I finally realized that I was apparently going to have to be the one to break it. "You don't have to, Battousai-san."

"Oro?" That word again. And that dazed look. As though he were too overwhelmed to even process my simple request. I didn't expect agreement. I'd known he'd refuse… but this… Kenshin never lost track of a conversation. He was always completely focused on everything around him. He _had _ to be. If he'd have been like this when that spy had broken in a few nights ago, I'm not that sure either of us would still be around to _have _this conversation.

If he were like this on a single mission, we'd both be dead. I mean, the kid was a walking target. I hoped to God that Katsura was considering my suggestion that Kenshin be pulled from missions for awhile. I couldn't cover both of us. And in this condition, I doubted that he could even cover himself.

In fact, I had the unnerving feeling that if I were to suddenly pull my sword on him now, I'd draw blood. Nothing more than a scratch, I'm sure. And I'd never survive his retaliation. But in this state he wasn't prepared to block quickly enough to protect himself. I could feel it in his ki. He'd lost his edge.

_Dammit, Kenshin, what's happened to you?_

Quietly, I responded, "You were staring at me like I was crazy for asking." I glanced away for a moment to spot Kano in the meal room. He noticed and motioned for me to get in there. He hated waiting for anything. Especially food.

I waved him on to just get started without me, ignoring his questioning look.

Thankfully by the time I turned back to my friend, Kenshin seemed to have recomposed himself. A polite smile… nothing he would ever have graced me with before _or _even after we'd begun working together. His eyes a bit more focused, but still distant. Better, but not perfect. Not good enough for me, at least. He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Ushiro-san. I'm simply looking for Katsura-san. That is all. Do you know where I can find him?"

I blinked at him, disappointed of course. But my suspicions piqued again. _Where you can…? Kenshin, where the hell do you expect to find him? _Mornings and evenings Katsura was pretty predictable when he was at base. Sure, he'd recently changed rooms due to some issues with Okami. But that had been over a week ago. How could Kenshin of all people not remember that?

He'd hit his head. Or he'd been captured and they'd done something to him… _Dammit_. I'd have to see Katsura and talk to him. To think of a way to address the issue without putting Kenshin in danger. I'd rather just talk with the kid about it myself, but honestly, he didn't seem like he could manage a conversation of that gravity at the moment.

Where had he _been_?

If Kenshin had been compromised… What would I do? After learning that Kenshin was considered a liability by Satsuma, I've been wary of disclosing anything that could be a danger to the boy, even to our leader. But Kenshin was privy to far too many secrets. The only man who knew more information that could destroy us was Katsura himself. If Kenshin had been compromised, we _had_ to know... He could risk us all otherwise.

_One man in exchange for a million..._

But if I was wrong, I could needlessly risk Kenshin's life. Again...

No. There was no way in _hell_ I could risk another comrade without being sure. Not again. Especially not with Kenshin. I'd have to somehow work this one out myself.

Kenshin seemed to catch something of my mood. He continued hesitantly, "Perhaps I will join you for a later meal."

I just stared at him a moment. _Really…?_ Kenshin wasn't one to lie, but I had a hard time believing that one. Still, I forced a smile at the gesture. "Right. Later then." _I can only hope… _"About Katsura-san… I assume he's in his meeting room giving out assignments." No reason to sound very certain about it. Would be my luck that Kenshin would snap out of his stupor just then and wonder why I'd already spoken to our commander. And I'd already sworn to Katsura that I would disclose to Kenshin nothing of our meeting. "That's where he usually is at this time." I stifled my urge to add, "And you should _know_ that."

Kenshin nodded to me. "Thank you, Ushiro-san," he replied formally.

_I'm your friend, dammit. Knock it off, _I thought, watching him take his leave. I hadn't been this frustrated with him in a long time. And that was saying something. I felt like he'd completely withdrawn from me. Like he didn't even _want_ to talk to me. Or like he was hiding something…

_From me? Why? What could have happened…?_

"Later, then, right?" I called after him. "I'm holding you to that!"

_And you sure as hell had better believe I am…

* * *

Author's Note: Well, here is the promised new chapter of "Crossroads". I know it's slow, and for that I apologize. This was one of those awkward chapters where I realized just how much Ushiro had developed since I wrote "Out of Time", which made it difficult to mesh the original actions and dialogue with the now developed Ushiro's thoughts on the matter. I kept wanting to just break with OoT and have Ushiro just get pissed at Kenshin. He can be such a kid sometimes... This almost makes me consider doing a "Director's cut/ Re-edit" of "Out of time" in order to fix these little things... (laughs) Though I'm sure by the time **this** fic is done, anything else I do with "Out of Time" will be overkill! ^ _ ^;_

_Anyway, I planned on an entire re-write of this chapter, but I don't think it will ever live up to my standards, and I didn't want to push the story into hiatus over one chapter. If I ever manage to rework it to my specifications, I'll re-post the improved chapter and give you guys a head's up in the author's note._

_So, apologies for the wait. Apologies for the chapter. And apologies for this ridiculously long, rambling author's note. And a great big thanks to lolo popoki and Shirou Shinjin for putting up with me making them beta this chapter... repeatedly. They are more tolerant of me than I deserve..._

_And of course... thanks to all of you for reading._

_Dewa mata!_

_Sirius:)  
_


	6. Chapter 6

"_When will people understand that words can cut as sharply as any blade, and that those cuts leave scars upon our souls?"_

-Unknown

* * *

**Chapter Six:**

I couldn't concentrate on a word that Kano was saying. He was going on about some situation he'd encountered with Shishio. Complaining about how our new hitokiri was efficient, but excessively violent, I think. I remember wondering vaguely how one could be _excessively_ violent in our times, but I didn't dwell on it, certain I wouldn't want to know the answer anyway. I'd spoken with Shishio once or twice in the past, but I really didn't like the man. He was smooth and eloquent. Easier to talk to than Kenshin. But even with my inferior ki sense, something about hitokiri Shishio didn't sit right with me. Something about his eyes. He was as passionate as his predecessor. Very skilled. But that was where their similarities ended. At their core they were entirely different.

So, although I _didn't_ see how "excessive violence" could be possible here... now... I was certain that if anyone could manage it, that man would be hitokiri Shishio.

And now, according to Katsura, I had a job to do with him while Kenshin recovered from his wounds. I didn't like all of these secret plans. Such things had never gone well for me in the past; it was one reason I was now a guardsman rather than one of Katsura's spies.

Worse, I had been specifically told not to tell Kenshin anything of the situation. I hate these games and I hate this war. A necessary evil, certainly, but one I wish would finally end.

"Ryu?" Kano's voice snapped me abruptly from my thoughts. "Are you awake in there?"

I blinked back at him. "What?" Noticing his annoyed expression, I quickly added, "Sorry, I didn't sleep well last night."

At those words, his irritation turned to concern. "You sure you should be up and about already? You just took another beating from Okita. Last time you two faced off, you were down for a few weeks." He paused, adding, "You almost died."

"Last time we fought, I also wound up with more than a couple of wounds," I reminded him. "Kenshin was able to cover me more quickly this time."

He watched me thoughtfully. "Speaking of Battousai... I saw you talking to him. Any idea where he was? Okami said you both came in half-dead last night. Honestly, I wasn't expecting him to come back at all." He paused. "I was surprised to see him in the hall. Most of us were. Especially in _that_ state."

"Like Okami said... he was injured badly last night."

"Didn't mean that," he commented thoughtfully. "He was dazed. Kept looking around like he didn't know the place."

_Dammit._ So the others had noticed as well. I'd been hoping otherwise. They generally kept their distance. Didn't watch him too closely. _They have to pick _now _to get an interest in him?_ But of course, it was logical. Missing for a day just before a run. Then he returns, badly wounded and uncharacteristically confused and flustered. Lost. How could they _not_ notice?

"I was hoping you'd know something," Kano continued. "He talks to you. And he came to your aide last night."

"He'd come to anyone's aid," I growled. "He's a decent person."

Kano raised his hands in mock surrender. "I'm not arguing that. He's brought you back often enough. Checked up on you a few times... But that's my point. Decent or not, he actually seems to _like_ you. I figured maybe he'd talk to you. If you specifically asked."

I bristled. "I'm not going to be used for information," I snapped. _Hell, no_. Not again. It was bad enough that I'd just accepted orders to resume spy work for Katsura... with hitokiri Shishio of all people. I sure as hell wasn't going to worm information out of one of my allies... Not again. Especially not with Kenshin.

"Ryu, aren't you worried about him? I'm not suggesting you use it against him. I don't even care if you tell me or not. I'm just saying that at least _someone_ will know. And if _you_ of all people are okay with whatever he was doing... I'll trust in that. I know you, and no matter how much you like someone, if they're a threat, you'll go to Katsura."

_Not with Kenshin, _I thought. But I wasn't completely sure it was true and I hated myself for that; it was one reason I refused to ask. "I'm sure Katsura already knows," I said shortly. "Kenshin's already reported to him. I'm sure Katsura would have asked. Kenshin wouldn't refuse him. If he or his actions were a threat, Katsura will act. 'One life to save the million,' remember?" I couldn't keep the bitter tone out of my voice. _That_ fact was another thing I knew firsthand.

Katsura was a great man. And I deeply respected him. But his clan and his cause came first. Neither Kenshin nor I were even Choshu. We were lucky that we were useful. And that he liked us. Even me, for some inexplicable reason. I knew that was the main reason we got away with so much. That was one reason that when Katsura had given me this assignment, I didn't turn it down, even though I'd wanted to. At least our commander had had the decency to apologize for asking it of me again.

Since I'd become a guardsman, I'd done a bit of spy work for him here or there. Small things that amounted to little more than playing an "ignorant Tosan" and getting a man drunk in a sake house with Kenshin as my unknowing backup. This, however, would be different. It reminded me of old jobs I'd taken when I'd first come to Kyoto. Jobs that Katsura and I had agreed I wouldn't have to do again.

I felt a sudden, sharp nudge from Kano. "Well, there's a first. Apparently he's full of surprises since he's come back. Since when does he join us to eat?"

I glanced in the direction Kano was pointing. Kenshin stood awkwardly in the entrance of the meal room.

Kano and I weren't the only ones watching him. Ever since Katsura had finally returned Kenshin to us when we'd regrouped after our abandonment of Kyoto, Kenshin had been distant. It was impressive that he would occasionally hold down a monosyllabic conversation with me in public. It was unheard of that he would consider eating with us. He'd always seemed a bit awkward in groups, but when he'd returned to us, he pointedly avoided everyone. Even _I_ hadn't been able to drag him out here into the crowd.

Yet here he was. An odd thought struck me. _Is he actually here because I _asked_ him to come?_ If so, it was a huge concession on his part.

He stood uncertainly in the doorway, and before he could consider backing out, I got to my feet, ignoring Kano's whispered, "Ryu. What are you doing? Sit down and leave him alone."

I ignored Kano and began walking toward Kenshin. Even if he changed his mind, I wanted him to know that he was still welcome. Whatever change had come over the kid, some aspects of it were welcome. Like this, for instance.

I tried to ignore my discomfort of his other symptoms. The confusion. And the missing blade.

He had taken a few steps into the room and was looking around. Realistically, he was probably just poking in to look for Okami, but I liked to think that he was in here to join us for a meal.

I approached, aware of the wary looks some of the men in the room were sending us. Kenshin had proven time after time that he was no bloodthirsty killer. Still... the men took no comfort in that. Clearly some were just waiting for him to snap. And sometimes I had a feeling that they expected _me_ to cause the snapping. I forced such thoughts from my mind. "Battousai-san."

There was a jump in his ki as though I'd somehow managed to startle him. Again, my discomfort surfaced. I paused for a moment, collecting myself. "So," I started again, "did you find Katsura-san?"

His blank stare continued for a moment longer than I liked before he responded politely, "Yes. Thank you, Ushiro-san."

"Good." I paused again. He just stared at me, obviously expecting me to either speak or walk away. _That_ at least hadn't changed. "Well, since your business with Katsura is done, do you want to join me and Kano? We're not done yet, and there's no point in you sitting all alone again."

He glanced away again, apparently considering. Then finally he replied, "All right, Ushiro-san."

I couldn't help but grin. A small success. Motioning for him to follow, I led the way to our tables. He followed obediently.

When we arrived at the tables, I shot Kano a silencing glare, hoping to stave off some of his famed tact. God only knows what he would have said. That man could put off a seasoned soldier in a single sentence, no matter how crude and experienced the man. If Kano opened his big mouth, there was no telling what would come out. Kenshin probably wouldn't stick around to hear the end of the sentence. It suddenly occurred to me that I should have threatened Kano's life before I'd walked away. I hoped my glare would suffice.

Apparently it did. Kano merely bowed his head at Kenshin, greeting him. "Battousai-san"

Kenshin nodded back, stiffly. "Kano-san." He knelt.

I began eating again as Kenshin was served by one of Okami's girls, and our tea was refilled. And I early choked when he offered the girl a faint smile and "thank you." I studied him again as unobtrusively as I could. It wasn't just the smile. Something about his face. I couldn't put my finger on it. Gritting my teeth, I dug into my food, wishing that everything would suddenly click into place for me. Not likely, but one could hope...

A few minutes passed as we all silently ate. A few more moments of silence after Kano finished his soup and began drinking his tea, making eye contact with no one. The tension was growing palpable. And irritating as hell.

Finally, I set my chopsticks down with a clink, sighing. "Well, this is sufficiently awkward."

"Oro?" That funny word again.

Kano shot me a look that I could read as clear as day: _No shit. _"What did you _expect_ us to talk about, Ryu?" he asked, snorting softly. "I haven't had a mission in two days. Battousai-san's been missing." He shot me a significant look at that, which I ignored. "And," he continued, "I _know_ that you don't have anything worth discussing."

I sighed. Of course I had things to discuss. I had lots to discuss. Sadly, it was all under lock and key, per Katsura's orders. Keep Kenshin in the dark. _Dammit_. Then, a slow smile spread over my face. _Wait a minute... _Technically I'd agreed not to tell _Kenshin_ anything. Katsura had said nothing about Kano. As long as I didn't go into detail... would it really be my fault if Kenshin listened in...?

I leaned forward. "Sure I do," I replied. "How about an update on the new anti-assassin?"

One of Kano's eyebrows shot up, and I knew he was wondering why I hadn't mentioned this small detail until now.

"He killed one of the Satsuma clan the other night."

Kenshin showed no interest, but Kano's interest was obviously piqued. "Really?"

"They're furious," I continued, picking up my cup and taking another sip of my tea. "Apparently Okubo-san's fighting that in the government. He claims they have no assassins working against the bakufu. That this man's involvement in their affairs was completely uncalled for." God, I wished I could explain more. But anything beyond that would be breaking Katsura's trust and I knew it. I was pushing things as it was...

Kano shook his head. "He _would_ say that. Satsuma also claims to back Choshu, but Okubo-san has been doing wonders providing us with foreign arms. He's a genius at playing forces against each other. I only worry that he'll turn on Katsura-san."

I shot a glance at Kenshin. Was has he even listening? _Put things together, you baka. You found two Tosa assassins dead last week. Now one from Satsuma? Dammit, Kenshin who do you think they're going to target next?_ I pressed my lips in a tight line. And Kano wasn't helping by drawing the focus to Okubo. "He's a decent man," I replied shortly. "He wouldn't harm someone on his own side." _Probably._ But he was the least of our problems at the moment.

"He's a politician," Kano responded, digging into his soba. "He's concerned about his cause and himself. I don't mean any disrespect, but Okubo-san plays a dangerous game. And it involves a lot of dirty work. I would not want to be in his shoes. Someday one of his pawns is going to turn on him. Mark my words, this anti-assassin is just the start."

Kenshin paled a shade at that as he suddenly took intense interest in his soup. "I think this entire war is a dangerous game, that I do," he said softly, startling me. "Okubo-san is not an evil man. That much I know. But it is easy for even good men to go astray. He walks a fine line right now, that he does. We can only hope that in the end his choices and sacrifices will be for the betterment of Japan."

I blinked at him a couple of times, surprised by his words. Since when did Kenshin say so much in Kano's company? The boy had returned to mus months ago in Katsura's care, and ever since, he'd avoided Kano like the plague. It had been unexpected enough that he'd agreed to join us. I hadn't anticipated him joining in the conversation as well. I should have been thrilled. But something about it all unsettled me. _Sacrifices? What sacrifices?_

I smiled faintly, certain that it appeared as fake as it felt. Hoping that Kenshin was still distant enough to not notice. "Battousai-san," I replied, trying to keep my voice light. "I think that's the most I've ever heard you say at once." In the company of others, that is.

Kenshin surprised me again with his small smile, and took a sip of his tea.

Kano grinned, and began talking, but I tuned him out suddenly figuring out what had been bothering me about Kenshin's face. What had been so different.

_His scar._ It was smaller. I was sure of it. It was as though it had somehow managed to heal up a bit overnight. My eyes narrowed, quickly scanning the rest of him. Critically watching him while his focus was on Kano. A few scars across his right forearm. Probably been there awhile. Several on his hands that I was pretty sure weren't new either. A few on each side of his neck. I narrowed my eyes, noting a pinkish tone to them. _Those_ weren't very old. And I knew for a fact that he'd had no fresh wounds in the past several months. At least none to the neck. Where the hell did _those_ come from? It wasn't possible for him to have received them without my noticing. Ever since I'd caught him trying to hide a sprained wrist, I'd begun watching the kid like a hawk.

I'd just begun studying his face more closely when it suddenly went ashen. I abruptly registered what Kano had been talking about while I'd been analyzing my friend.

He'd been trying to discuss the girl. _Dammit, you baka. Don't bring _her_ up. _I shot Kano a poisonous glare. "Kano, stop," I hissed.

Of course, he didn't. "Oh, come on, Ryu. You know you're wondering, too. A pretty girl like that doesn't just come out of nowhere in the middle of the night only to disappear again. Anyway, I've been going through I'izuka's old notes from when he was checking her background for Katsura-san. I'izuka was pretty sure she was a whore from somewhere. She could have been interesting—"

I was ready to just crack Kano upside the head—subtlety be damned—just to shut him up, but it was already too late. The damage had been done. I could feel a dangerous black edge to Kenshin's ki surface. A cold, harsh feeling that I'd only experienced once a few months back, when it had precluded a deadly battle that had nearly resulted in my death.

This was bad. Very bad.

Kenshin abruptly stood. His expression was dark. His narrowed eyes amber. His glare focused on Kano who had fallen absolutely silent. With a sick feeling, I realized that the entire room had. "Do not speak of that which you cannot understand," was Kenshin's cold reply. His tone could freeze fire.

With those words, Kenshin turned and left.

_Dammit._ I wasn't going to smack Kano. I was going to kill him. With a glare that told him as much, I snapped, "Good going, ahou."

And without waiting for a response, I rose to my feet and strode off to find my friend.

* * *

_Author's Note: So sorry for the delay! I'm trying to get caught up on my fics (my own fault for working on so many stories at once). Hopefully I'll be able to manage updates a **bit** more quickly next time. I'll try to update "Turnabout" soon for those of you who follow it._

_A big thank you to lolo popoki, Shirou Shinjin, and sueb262 for their beta work! There were parts of this chapter that were a train wreck before they helped doctor it up!_

_And as always, thanks to all of you for reading. Reviews would be appreciated (they certainly do motivate!)..._

_Dewa mata._

_Sirius:)  
_


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